im gonna talk about and fully endorse fictional incest in this one, so if you don't like that... this is what the "don't like, don't read" on my homepage was for. i understand and respect sensitivity to these things, this is your chance to hit the back arrow, no hard feelings.
don't mind my weird capitalization, i'm still figuring stuff out. hella ave mujica spoilers ahead obviously.
for the rest of us, please listen to: these songs while reading :).
starting off at the start with my cheapo blusky analysis thread:
i havent read umineko yet but i know about "without love it cannot be seen"; the difference between Uika and Hatsune also "can't be seen" without love. we can see this as Hatsune holds herself in so little regard that she pretends to be someone else to be worthy of love in her own eyes–shes so "nothing" in her own self image that she can occupy the same space as another without displacing her. Saki loves her back, truly; sees Hatsune for Hatsune even when she's trying to be invisible, unlovable. despite that hurdle and the genuinely "forbidden" twist to their relationship–its not as though Saki is deterred at all. Hatsune is simply the girl she loves. its powerful stuff !!
So just what did i mean by that? well first off that quote: it's about the granular idiosyncrasies in any– and everything that remain entirely unnoticable to all but those who pay exceptional attention. in this case, i thought of it because they're pretty obviously in romantic love; however Hatsune has spent the previous eleven episodes pretending to bandmate Sakiko to be her half-sister Uika, who was very close to Saki where Hatsune was forbidden to spend time with her. This was indicatory of something of a theme in Hatsune's formative years; a deep feeling of inferior treatment when compared to her cheery, outgoing little sis, which eventually bloomed darkly into a gaping emptiness. Even when Uika's father entered the picture, taking on the role of Hatsune's foster father as well, his affection only contrasted her feelings of rejection and fed the void to a deeper tone of pitch-black. BPD much? (laudatory)... Well, around this time, she also found the beauty of the night sky stepping out for fresh air at a dark moment, and fell in love with the stars. (this will come back later.) This was also around the time Uika and Saki started getting close. Uika would recount their days together in meticulous detail, and Hatsune would ask questions about this girl she was never to meet yet found herself growing more enraptured by.
Either way, the future bandmates would only meet when Uika fell ill. too sick to keep her promise to spend time together, Hatsune decided to break the strict ban on her meeting Saki. And the two hit it off. Hatsune's pervasive feeling of emptiness melted away; being mistaken for Uika and thus from the jump treated like–not just not-empty, but such a complete person as Uika, had an undeniable healing effect on her. She laughed the way she'd always hoped to, smiled so much her face hurt. When the day came to an end Hatsune didn't want to let it go, and so she did something Uika never did: asked Saki to go stargazing with her. it was only Hatsune who would have carried the last day of summer like a torch into the night, and with it, extended Saki's fleeting freedom.
That's like, the bare minimum context for the screenshot attached. It was forbidden for Hatsune to meet Sakiko because she was an unacknowledged daughter of her wealthy grandfather, but Saki had such a profound effect on her well-being that, like, i don't know, maybe we can just be real cool about two women being a little incestuous, for the sake of these characters who are designed to make us want to see them flourish.
i know talking about this, no matter how much i try to make it about their love and how much it means to me, is going to be a little bit of an uphill battle, even though it shouldn't be a battle at all >__<'
regardless, i want to talk about the "chained to a radiator song" and why it's not that at all actually?
i really cannot stress enough how the unhealthy part of this relationship is Hatsune's feeling of guilt over it. looking at the lyrics of "Imprisoned XII" and speaking from the inside as another Beautiful Princess with a Disorder, the images of wings, afaaling being stripped of something sublime at a single broken touch, they all speak so much more to a pendulum shift from that self-described emptiness to a fullness of heart recalling the Gnostic concept "pleroma". that's really it, isn't it? it's something beyond words; appropriate that Saki plays god on stage when that's how Hatsune feels getting closer to her. if i go down this road, i'll be blushing and giggling over them all night... but no. if the issue were Saki and Hatsune's relation, their dynamic wouldn't in other words, Hatsune's not guilty about romantically loving Saki because she's her niece. She feels guilty because she hid it, afraid that what she feels, strong enough to drive her to hide her identity, when Saki wanted to be with her and that's what it takes to make it happen.
yes, Hatsune's guilt-laden perspective on love is unhealthy, both for her and Saki. but that doesn't mean that she's wrong about her own emotions. just because Hatsune was hoping for Saki to "save" her in a way no one can doesn't mean she can't love her, and it doesn't mean that their (romantic) love without Hatsune erasing herself is wrong. its as transcendentally fulfilling to both of them as Hatsune's vain obsession appeared to her. everything Hatsune thought was an irredeemable sin against Saki, she looks at, forgives, and loves her for. that's exactly why it's so powerful. it is a fantasy. it's not about right and wrong, whether Saki should, thats missing the point of the narrative; Ave Mujica stands in direct contrast to MyGO!!!!!, a show which depicts an ideal about moving forward, by being a shamelessly self-indulgent fantasy where nothing goes wrong. "Ave Mujica's world" is one where broken dolls find new life under the light of the moon, where those without agency become omnipotent. the most Gothic–ly damaged anime girl this side of Petit Cossette has the power of a god. its deliberately overwrought chuuni goth, maladaptive daydreams put to stage. this story of gods, knights and dolls runs on unbalanced devotion as a response to the cold, uncaring injustice in Saki's life. it wears this fact on its sleeve. and in the end, even if you or i think it's wrong, nothing will deter them; they deserve each other and now know it. Hatsune thinking her crush/obsession was wrong from the start didn't deter Saki. their relationship never got less romantic after Hatsune came clean, did it? in fact, as best as i can tell, Hatsune being Hatsune is the only way Saki could have loved her back. that's not as obvious as it sounds. i mean that it was always Hatsune who loved the stars.
this might seem like a weird fucking hill for me to die on, but as i was writing this out i kept thinking about the final Kara no Kyoukai film, Satsujin Kousatsu Go), and how the ending affected me so deeply. seeing Ryougi Shiki (the woman assigned a cold, sometimes murderous male personality, SHIKI, at birth) becoming human by way of discarding that same "maleness," in the process becoming able to love and be love for the first time was what made me decide i needed to transition instead of permarepp forever. I'm also reminded of the "true love conquers all" theme in works by CLAMP like Chobits, another series that really helped me find my true self loveable. given the state of the world, i don't think it would surprise anyone to hear i needed a shot in the arm, a litany against shame or just a yuriful reminder that secreting yourself away never leads anything of love.
i hope i've made at least a little sense here. love and peace, have an imaage i quite like and go watch some anime :)
